


WikiHow: How To Tell If Your Penis Is Fractured

by yeoniejjang



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Comedy, Humor, Jacob has a questionable hobby, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Injuries, Mistaken Identity, Sangyeon is socially awkward, Strangers to Attempted Assassination to.. Lovers?, Sunwoo is a porn addict, teeny bit of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:29:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeoniejjang/pseuds/yeoniejjang
Summary: Saturday 1:23am | Reddit: How to fix broken peen
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Lee Sangyeon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31
Collections: Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	WikiHow: How To Tell If Your Penis Is Fractured

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #17 — A was sent to kill B, but got hurt while trying to break into their house and now B is innocently nursing A back to health and calling them cute pet names and A absolutely cannot do this.
> 
> This fic is basically my inability to write fluff without inserting a stupid line to break the feel good moment. Enjoy.

⚾

_ Stupid Sangyeon. _

A crimson blush spreads across the plane of his body as his feet take him anywhere they want to go, not even caring if his son is following him.

Eric watches as the disastrous events unfold, his father choking on his spit after bumping into an extremely handsome grocery worker wearing a red nylon vest with  _ Jacob  _ scribbled on the name tag attached to his chest. Jacob squeaks, startled by the contact and immediately starts to apologise, asking if Sangyeon was okay.

And to answer that question for everyone reading - No, Sangyeon was definitely  _ not _ okay.

Sangyeon has never been someone who had the ability to talk to attractive people without stuttering his ass off and making himself a fool in front of a very confused and hot stranger. 

And what happens next will prove his inability to socialise to those who looked like God handcrafted them and were put on this earth to cause Sangyeon suffering internally  _ and _ externally. But let’s not go any deeper on that particular external problem.

Just as Jacob reaches out to examine Sangyeon’s shoulder, Sangyeon panics, his brain sounding off alarms as his world is thrown into a whirlwind and all he could do is watch as his sanity is torn apart.

“THE FUCKING TOMATOES” His voice rings across the small store, other customers looking up at Sangyeon in confusion, peering towards a now very  _ very _ mentally distraught man.

_ Stupid Sangyeon indeed. _

Jacob’s face scrunches in a mix of bewilderment and slight amusement as he watches Sangyeon speed walk in the opposite direction of the tomatoes, his trolley rattling like Eric’s stupid alarm at 7am every morning. 

Eric stands there, also watching his father’s retreating back, not surprised at how Sangyeon had left him standing with a stranger. And this time, Eric has had enough. His dad needs a wingman, and who could ever know his dad better than he does? 

No one, in Eric's  _ very _ personal opinion.

Eric turns to a stunned Jacob, a pearly white smile spreads across his face as he formulates a frivolous plan to get his dad back into the dating scene.

"Don't worry about him, he's just not good at handling situations, but here is my father's number. He may be a jumbling mess but that's his way of telling you he has some sort of attraction to you.” Eric walks off after handing Jacob a slip of paper that he had previously printed out just in case of ‘emergencies’.

Eric had remembered the first time his father had slipped up and ran away from a stranger who showed interest in him. After experiencing that exact scenario countless times, Eric decided printing his dad's number and storing it in his bag would make it easier for him to help his dad make a move.

...Although Sangyeon would get messages from random numbers, only to apologise before saying that they’ve got the wrong number, in which Eric glares at his dad with great disdain, watching his hard work go to waste like a sink full of water after you pull the plug, spiralling down the drain and disappearing within seconds.

As Sangyeon mindlessly browses the baby powder aisle, Eric appears, a begrudged look colours his features. Sangyeon looks away, guilt raining down in metaphorical sprays after not only swearing about tomatoes to the worker’s face, but also leaving Eric behind to deal with his awkward endeavour.

"Son, I'm so sorr-"

"Dad. I'm never going grocery shopping with you ever again."

"But Eric-"

"It's been 4 years since your last date, you literally can't talk to someone attractive without having a brain fart."

"Eric, please stop saying brain fa-"

"DAD I’M 12, I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT."

From then on, the grocery trip consists of Eric buying a plethora of snacks and an on edge Sangyeon, who becomes a professional cart drifter after his attempts at avoiding Jacob.

Luckily,  _ or not,  _ that isn’t their last encounter.

⚾

Sangyeon had his first mission as an assassin tonight. He never expected to be standing here, outside his victim’s bedroom, attempting to literally  _ kill  _ someone. Sangyeon was a call centre worker, what in the goddamn universe was he thinking? He just wanted to do something reckless, but maybe he went a little too far when he decided to call up an agency that tells you to hunt people down and murder them. He could’ve gone skydiving, maybe tried out a strip club, even just go karting with Eric, but no, his brain said that the thrill wouldn’t be enough to sate his hunger for something more, something  _ different. _

When he called up the agency, they gave him a whole profile on the man he had to assassinate.

_ Name: Kim Sunwoo _

_ Age: 19 _

_ Location: Unit 1/69 Gardenia Terrace _

_ Reason of Assassination: Shut down his boss’ company by watching porn on an illegal website at work and spreading a virus through the internal computer system. _

_ Compensation: $30,000 _

Sangyeon scoffs, thinking about how this kid had really just shut down a whole business just cause he wanted to jerk off. Sunwoo was really living the life.

And so there he was, standing at apartment 69 at 8pm hoping Sunwoo was inside this house, unknowing of his fate. The glass panel embedded in the door had a thin wooden frame and Sangyeon could clearly see the handle from the balcony he stood on. He decides that he’s too lazy to pick a lock today, so he takes out his laser cutter and begins to carve out a hole, one that was big enough for him to squeeze his hand through and unlock the door from the inside, using the door handle.

However, he did not think his plan through as the sphere of glass fell inwards, towards the polished tiles of his victims house. It was like watching his precious glass of red wine getting knocked off the table in slow motion and all Sangyeon could do was watch, as it fell to it’s impending doom.

And to make matters worse, and now blaming it on his fast reflexes, he reaches out to catch the piece of glass, forgetting that there was a whole glass panel between himself and that damn circle, before smashing his whole fist through the door.

The sound of glass shattering vibrates through the air, shards of transparent crystals dispersing across the marble floors as blood begins to seep out of Sangyeon’s knuckles. Sangyeon really could’ve gotten away if he had just let the glass fall, but now the whole door is quite literally obliterated.

_ Well, fuck. _

Sangyeon stays crouched on the balcony, blood beginning to drip onto the white tiles of the pristine apartment, his brain lagging as he tries to formulate what he should do next. Obviously, his victim now knows he's there, the sound of muffled shuffling is heard before a man with dog-printed pyjamas appears at the bedroom door, a look of shock cemented on his face, eyebrows raised and mouth agape.

  
  


“... What the frick did you do to my door..”

  
  


Sangyeon stands there clad in all black like the god forsaken assassin he is with a bleeding hand. What was he supposed to say? 'Oh, you know, I saw a fly on the window and wanted to kill it but I guess my fist was unaware of its strength?’ the man before him would never buy that. But even before he could reply, the brown-haired boy noticed that his hand was bleeding, discarding the fact that his door was smashed into pieces and that Sangyeon literally looked like he was about to pull out a knife and stab him to death.

“Oh my god, are you okay? Wait, come in, take a seat on my bed babe, I’ll help you out.”

The man seats Sangyeon down on the edge of the bed, Sangyeon's face in flames under his mask as he begins to breathe heavily at the pet name he has been given - by a stranger.

_ Babe??? As in like a baby? Babe? Bae?  _

The unknown entity that Sangyeon thinks is named Sunwoo, goes searching for the first aid kit from the closet nearby, shuffling around to get all the tools he needed to patch Sangyeon up. Being the curious person he is, Sangyeon leans his whole body across Sunwoo’s bed to peer over his waist. He sees a glint of something rounded and shining, placed delicately besides the kit, the luminescent lamp reflecting off of the obscure object.

But the man quickly closes the cupboard and faces Sangyeon who couldn't get up from his position on the bed, his hand resting against his head like a model on the beach. 

“Oh so is  _ this _ why you broke into my room baby?”

Sangyeon blushes furiously, quickly sitting up straight as he cradles his hand, which is still very much bleeding onto the bed and floor below them. Sangyeon thinks the situation just can’t get any worse - but it definitely does. He shakes his head furiously as the man in question chuckles, thinking that Sangyeon was too shy to say anything.

“Okay then honey bun, give me your hand let me see how bad these wounds are.”

Sangyeon really begins to squirm where he sits on the bed, refusing to give the stranger his hand, his mind working against him as blood rushes to awaken the one down south.

“My whittle bwaby’s injured awwww. Come on, let me get your hand fixed up, kitten.”

Sangyeon gives in, wanting to get out of here without arousing suspicion from the so-called Sunwoo, an unemployed porn addict. His frustration at how much of an idiot he could be on his first job really gets to him, and the pet names this random dude is calling him only causes further agitation. 

From picking out pieces of glass, to cleaning the wound and putting ointment on, the stranger’s delicate hands work carefully to nurse Sangyeon back to health, when really all Sangyeon wanted to do was murder him in cold blood. Sangyeon sits there quietly, formulating a plan of attack, as he wraps Sangyeon up, unaware of what was going to happen next. 

“Hey darling, wh-” And that last pet name was enough for Sangyeon to lose his mind.

Sangyeon makes his move, grabbing Sunwoo’s wrist and pushing the hazel eyed man into the bed as he presses a knife to his neck. The man stares up in shock, the air knocked out of his lungs at the forceful impact. Sangyeon ignores the pain pulsing through his knuckles as the grip on the man’s arm causes him to bleed out again.

“How could you be so gullible? I literally just smashed your door and you think I’m here to be your friend?”

The stranger laughs heartily at Sangyeon, the man flashes his straight rows of teeth that seem endless as a smile stretches across his face. Sangyeon becomes agitated, pressing the knife harder against his skin to draw blood from the stranger below him, but there’s a knock at the door before Eric pops his head in looking around the dark room until he makes eye contact with his dad.

_ What. _

“Eric? What the fuck are you doing? Get back in the car, I’ll be there in 5 min-”

The man swings his leg around Sangyeon’s waist, pushing against Sangyeon’s grip, causing Sangyeon to fall against the plush white sheets. His hand wraps around Sangyeon’s throat, using the other hand to knock the knife out of Sangyeon’s hand. The stranger begins to speak again, glinting down at Sangyeon, his strength surprising Sangyeon.  _ It must be the long nights of jerking off to porn. _

“Hey look, since you're injured maybe you could be my pillow princess.”

Sangyeon furrows his eyebrows at the stranger, the words seem to jumble in his brain like playing a game of scrabble. Sunwoo is making extreme sexual advances towards him, and he is in complete shock and maybe a bit of arousal. He doesn’t know, everything’s just a bit mixed up and confusing right now.

“Sorry Sunwoo, I only top.”

“Not tonight you aren- wait, Sunwoo?”

The confusion on the stranger’s face was enough evidence for reality to dawn on Sangyeon.

_ I’ve got the wrong person. _

“So you’re telling me you are not Kim Sunwoo, a 19 year-old who lives in room 69, wanted for shutting down his boss’ company by illegally downloading porn off his boss’ computer and spreading a virus through their network?”

“..No, my name’s Jacob, and this is room 96, not 69.”

_ Well, fuck me. Metaphorically. _

“Dad, not only are you in the wrong room, BUT he’s the one on top of you? LOSER.”

“Eric, get back in the damn car.”

“DAD, I HAVE BASEBALL PRACTICE IN 15 MINUTES HURRY UP. This isn't ‘bring your son to work day’, it's take your son to soccer practice ON TIME day, aka Tuesday aka today aka right now.”

“I’M BUSY ERIC, GIVE ME 5 MINUTES”

“..I'll give you 10, 5 is a bit excessive don't you think, dad? You’re 33.”

“SOHN YOUNGJ-”

“OKAY, OKAY. Peace out.”

The door shuts and Jacob releases Sangyeon from his hold as he awkwardly clambers off Sangyeon’s body to sit beside him. Sangyeon hangs his head in shame, having his son call him a loser in front of a stranger, the same stranger that he tried to kill, who is quite handsome from what he had seen in the dimly lit room if he was being quite honest. And now that he looks closer, he looks familiar as well. The silence seems to suffocate Sangyeon, as he wants to just call it a day and walk out the front door. However, he realises that he broke Jacob’s door and he would have to get that repaired for him.

“So uh, sorry for breaking your door, can we exchange numbers so that I can pay for the damages?”

_ And you’re also kinda cute, but that’s.. Not the main reason I need his number. _

Jacob looks up before nodding silently, passing Sangyeon his phone, as Sangyeon quickly types his number in.

The number pops up in Jacob’s phone, the name appearing as ‘HUNKY DILF WITH KID FROM GROCERY STORE.’ And in that moment he realised, he remembered who Jacob was and that Eric was one sneaky little shit. To save Jacob from embarrassment, he passes the phone back, waving a quick goodbye before sprinting towards the door, leaving Jacob behind, who waves, a look of amusement on his face.

Jacob was left sitting there as he looked down at his phone, his face dropping after he realised who the assassin was. Dwelling in his little predicament, Sangyeon now knows that Jacob thinks he is quite the DILF and that Jacob is just a tad bit horny.

“I can’t believe this fucking happened to me. God, when I asked for a man, I didn’t want it to be this DAMN HARD.”

Jacob rolls around on his bed, pulling at the strands of his hair, kicking the air like he’s swimming on land.

_ The world is just so bloody small. _

⚾

Sangyeon starts the car, his hair in disarray after pulling off his cap and mask as Eric stares at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

He adores his father; having to be a single dad after his countless partners left him when they found out he had a son. Eric knows that he is partially the reason for his father's loneliness, however his father makes sure to tell him that it's not because of him and that it's mainly because Sangyeon is just really bad at dating.

He watches as the streetlights shine down on his dad's face; a look of satisfaction as he hums along to the melody playing on the radio. Eric thinks his dad might just be the nicest and most genuine person he's ever met on this earth and he wasn't exaggerating - he was 12 and the people he has met are either other kids at school or Sangyeon's dates, who seemed to think Eric didn't exist until Sangyeon made it clear that Eric was definitely not leaving his side any time soon.

Of course, being a single dad came with its hardships. 

Sangyeon had to work constantly to pay for tuition, food and just to have a roof over their heads. It wasn't easy seeing his dad coming home from a call centre job he despised, the shadow casted below his eyes getting wider and wider with every passing day. 

Eric wishes that sometimes he could be selfish. He wants his father to attend his baseball practices, to be there when he hits the ball out of the park. He wants Sangyeon to be there when he gets home from school so that he could gush about the new crush he had developed on the new boy in class. 

But selfishness was hard when you know how your father works strenuously day after day, just for you to have everything a child could ever have. Eric knows taking more than he's given will only burden Sangyeon’s heavy heart with the thoughts of not being a competent father, or even worse; not giving his child what he deserves.

Sangyeon parks the car in front of the baseball field, looking across at Eric, the boy sniffling as he looks out the window.

"Hey what's wrong? Is everything okay little man?" Sangyeon hates seeing Eric cry. He only wishes for Eric to be happy - that he would carry the burdens for Eric to live a carefree life.

"Yeah 'm fine, thanks dad. I'm gonna go now, remember to pick me up in two hours."

Eric quickly collects his duffle bag and attempts to open the door but realises that Sangyeon has locked him in.

"Stop being a hormonal teen and tell me what's wrong."

Eric looks up at his dad wiping the tears that gather at the corners of his eyes. He purses his lips to stop him crying, so close to just letting it all out; his fears, his concerns and most importantly, how much it hurts to see his dad going through so much just for him. But after he opens and closes his mouth, the only words that leave are:

"I just really love you dad. I love you."

Sangyeon stares back at his son, a look of unadulterated adoration and admiration reflect off Eric’s eyes like newly polished glass.

Sangyeon had never seen Eric act like this. Eric had always teased him, bagged him for his taste in men and the way he dresses. But seeing how solemn Eric had become trickled warmth into his body from the fountains above. It also felt like a dull pain flooded the back of his irises, knowing that his own son was having trouble with having a single dad. Much like a double edged sword, reaping both the good and the bad.

The silence engulfs them - not one that causes tension to ripple through the muscles of his body, but a comfortable silence as Eric decides if he should wait for his dad to reply. Conjuring up more confidence, Eric decides there was more he needed to get off his chest.

"You work so hard for me to have what other kids have and I just think no one would ever compare. I know you’re busy all the time to keep us afloat, but I hope one day I'll be able to stare into the sidelines and see you there, cheering me on. One day we will live comfortably dad, I just know it."

Before he could finish what he wanted to say, strong arms embraced him, surrounding him with warmth and an aura so comforting that his body melts into the figure before him.

Sangyeon had barely had time to embrace his son, his schedule causing him to come home at a time so late that Eric was already fast asleep, dozing on the couch as he waited for his dad to appear through the front door. But this hug was not only to comfort Eric, but to stop him from seeing the tears that coursed down Sangyeon’s face, knowing that Eric's heart breaks at seeing his father cry. Sangyeon has no qualms in breaking through that 'masculine image', even teaching Eric that it was okay to cry, but the tears sangyeon shed were ones of pain and hardship, ones that caused Eric to hear Sangyeon through the thin walls of their apartment after Sangyeon reached breaking point several times due to the overflow of bills and the utter loneliness he felt even when Eric was right there.

Sometimes Eric would wake up in Sangyeon’s embrace, his face stained with tears, the frown he carried the night before ironed out with a peaceful bliss that rests on his face delicately like a veil. And in times like these, Eric wishes that his father had a companion. Someone who he could lean on besides himself, because sometimes, he needed someone to lean on too.

"I love you so so much darling. You are the light of my life. I'd do anything for you and I mean that. Now go make dad proud on the field. I promise I'll be there as soon as I can. You'll see me cheering you on, you little ace."

And with that, Sangyeon pulls away, a small smile appears on the surface of his face as Eric exits the car, looking back with a grin and waving at Sangyeon as he runs towards his friends. 

All Sangyeon could think about was how grateful he was to have Eric, his whole life revolving around making the little man happy is all worth it after seeing how Eric has matured and bloomed into who he is today.

And at that thought, Sangyeon realises that the greatest happiness is knowing that he does not necessarily require happiness, after seeing how Eric epitomises the meaning of  _ his _ joy.

⚾

Sangyeon arrives,  _ again, _ at the same apartment block heading up in the elevator, now facing the right room. He breathes out, heart racing as he questions his choices of attempting to become an assassin when he can barely kill a fly.

_ You can do it. Just slice his jugular vein and the job is done. _

Sangyeon thinks it will be a piece of cake, researching ways to murder others through crime podcasts and documentaries on serial killers - He even wrote notes about where the juglar vein was, because what he recently found out was that not all veins are the same size. Crazy, right?

But as they say, it is very much easier said than done.

He raises his leg, slamming his sleek black combat boot right above the door handle, the slab of wood flying open with a bang. He was expecting to see Sunwoo sitting on the couch, watching a rom com, or maybe even eating a late dinner at his dining table.

_ That was not the case. _

What he did not expect to be faced with was a boy sitting at his desk with his dick out to turn around in horror, clutching the base of his cock to the point where Sangyeon thinks it  _ hurts _ . 

“Come on man, what the hell?!? Put your damn dick away, you just got your door kicked down.”

Sunwoo seems to not understand what’s happening as he sits there, staring at Sangyeon for longer than appropriate, given the situation that they’re in. Sunwoo snaps out of his trance, only to stroke his cock a few times again, like Sangyeon wasn’t just standing there ready to murder him.

“Okay.. and? Mind your damn business.” 

“I cannot mind my damn business, that website is what brought down the company you worked at, so I guess I’m here to bring you down with it. Don’t you learn from your mistakes?”

“Well, some people never learn, and I am one of those people.”

Sangyeon rolls his eyes, pulling a blade out of his back pocket, the steel gleaming under the lights of the apartment, twisting the handle of the knife to attract attention to the weapon in his hand. Sunwoo freezes, his blood visibly draining from his face as he realises this might actually be the end for him.

Sangyeon takes a step forward, tightening his grip around the blade as he gets ready to aim the knife right into Sunwoo’s neck. However, before he could even grab Sunwoo’s collar, the boy's eyes rolled back, his eyelids fluttering shut and arms going limp as he fell to the ground with a soft thud. 

Sangyeon quite literally cannot believe the scenario he’s been shoved into. Sunwoo, an unemployed 19 year old genius, is passed out at his feet with his pants halfway down his thighs with his dick exposed for anyone passing to see.

And Sangyeon can't let a man's last conscious minutes be of someone breaking in mid-jerk. What kind of person would he be if he does that? So he puts away his knife (reluctantly), carefully pulling Sunwoo’s shorts up before calling the ambulance, making his quick escape out of the building.

And that was the end of his job as an assassin - the company firing him quite literally the day after the whole ordeal. Sangyeon just hopes Sunwoo didn’t have to explain why he was passed out with a boner. It’s a secret that only Sangyeon knows.

⚾

Jacob: Hey, so.. Dinner tonight at 7pm? Are you down?

Sangyeon: Is this your way of asking me out on a date or..

Jacob: Nevermind, I'll go find someone else

Sangyeon: Okay wow, I guess I was just a side piece all this time :(

Jacob: I’m jooooking, yes it’s a date or it could be way more than just a date ;)

Sangyeon: Done deal, I’ll see you then.

Jacob: Hey :( no winky face back? I was trying to slide into your damn pants

Sangyeon laughs airily, the type of laugh that just sounds like an aggressive breathing exercise. He’s currently watching a movie with Eric, who is splayed out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn snuggled beside him. Eric peers over at his dad, the noise he made distracting Eric, only for Eric to see Sangyeon smiling down at his phone. He gags, the obnoxiously loud noise startling Sangyeon.

“Eric, that’s disgusting stop it.”

“No dad, you’re disgusting. You’re so whipped already, didn’t you just meet this mystery man?”

“Eric, you’re too young to know what dating is like, and what does ‘whipped’ even mean? Isn’t that the whisking cream stuff you put over the cake?”

Sangyeon turns back to his phone to reply to Jacob who has shamelessly not only double, but  _ triple  _ texted him.

_ Saturday 4:50pm | _ Jacob: Damn, I guess I’m not getting any action tonight..

_ Saturday 5:00pm |  _ Jacob: Oh god, did I make you uncomfortable? I was just joking, I don’t usually fuck on the first date, I just thought we were having a good time. I understand if you don’t want to have dinner anymore. That was entirely my fault, I’m so so sorry.

_ Saturday 5:01pm |  _ Jacob: I am so so sorry, oh god, what I said was so inappropriate, please can we start over? I think you’re so damn intelligent I swear I’m not just here to dick you down.

Sangyeon can’t believe how Jacob could be real, the man was not like any other man he has dated in the past, especially the fact that Jacob is basically wanting to dick him down and not the other way around, and being very respectful of how Sangyeon feels, causing his heart to beat abnormally. Sangyeon isn’t sure if it’s due to Jacob or the fact that he is ageing and the health problems are beginning to appear.

Sangyeon: Oh shit, I’m so sorry I was talking to my son

Sangyeon: But we’ll see where our night leads us ;) See you in a few hours ;D

  
  


A kernel bounces off the side of his face as Eric glares at Sangyeon, who has been trying to get Sangyeon’s attention for the past minute.

“Eric, why are you throwing popcorn at me?”

“Maybe,  _ just maybe _ , you should listen to me when i'm trying to answer a question  _ you _ asked.”

“Okay, first of all don’t give me attitude, and second, I’m listening now, tell me what this youngin slang means.”

“Whipped is basically when you’re head over heels for him and you’d do anything for him. And you are like  _ whipped,  _ whipped. You’re weak d-”

Sangyeon reaches for the remote, turning the TV off before walking to his room and slamming the door shut. Eric rolls his eyes, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Sometimes he feels like his dad acts more like a child than he does, staring at the closed door, 60% sure that Sangyeon would come back out, that he was just throwing a bit of a tantrum because Eric targeted his weak spot.  _ Being whipped. _

But after 10 minutes, silence still surrounds Eric. He begins to realise, maybe Sangyeon actually would not come out of his room, and that he would leave his own son on movie night.

“Wait- Dad you’re not seriously thinking of leaving me out here in the living room while you text your stupid future boyf-”

The door flies open, Sangyeon popping his head out, making eye contact with Eric.

“Eric, if you don’t shut your mouth, I will duct tape you to the wall like last time.”

“DAD, WHAT. YOU’RE SO MEAN, I NEARLY PEED MY PANTS BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T UN-DUCT TAPE ME FAST ENOUGH.”

“Yeah, good times right?”

“DAD.”

⚾

  
  


Sangyeon watches as Jacob stares off intently, his eyes studying the pianist’s performance before them, as they enjoy their first date together. The fancy restaurant causes them both to feel a bit out of place, but otherwise, Sangyeon is finally enjoying someone else’s company after multiple failed attempts at dating for the past 4 years.

He finds out a lot about Jacob - how he works part time at the grocery store while scouring the web for a full time job as a security guard, which explained why he was so strong and how he pinned Sangyeon down with such grace and precision. Sangyeon tells Jacob about his endeavours at becoming an assassin - of how he felt like he needed a bit of spice in what seemed like such a mundane life with a call centre job and the inability to date because he barely goes out. Jacob gives him all the attention in the world, wordlessly nodding along, acknowledging Sangyeon’s thoughts and Sangyeon doesn’t want to overthink but maybe Jacob actually was interested in his boring life. It was a hopeful thought at the very least.

“So you’re saying that you need a bit of spice in your life?”

“Yep, I just feel like the typical single dad who can’t get his dating life going and is growing too old, too fast. Eric is always calling me boring, but I can't help the fact that I’m not fun.”

“Well I don’t find you boring, you’re very interesting, you practically broke into my house the other day. That’s literally way more exhilarating than the life I live. But if you really think you’re boring, I think hobbies are a good way to go!”

Sangyeon gazes at Jacob, the man before him cocking his head to a side as he awaits Sangyeon’s reply. A sudden thought popped up in his mind, his brain thinking back to when he saw the shining objects in his wardrobe, curiosity now lighting every crevice in his brain.

“Do you have any hobbies Jacob? I remember when you went to get the first aid kit, I saw something shiny in the same drawer.”

_ Silence. _

Jacob picks up his wine glass, staring directly at Sangyeon, hazel eyes clouded with an indescribable emotion and Sangyeon starts to worry that he had revealed something too personal. But as he was about to apologise, Jacob opened his mouth to speak.

“I collect butt plugs.”

_ More.. Silence. _

“..You what?”

“..Yes. My butt plug collection. I think you saw my reflective one, that's why it was shiny. I just think they’re very cute. I actually brought one for you. If you’re into that. I don’t know. Please ignore what I just said if that isn’t something you want.”

Sangyeon splutters and chokes, the water flying out of his mouth like a fire hose. Sangyeon could feel the blood go north  _ and  _ south, travelling everywhere it didn’t need to be as he coughs into the napkin that once rested delicately over his legs. When he’s able to speak again, he looks back at Jacob who averts his glance in guilt, a face of fleshed out concern that is telling from the furrowing of his eyebrows. His hand gently brushes against Sangyeon’s knee, trying to comfort Sangyeon through his little crisis.

“Jacob, I don’t know how to break it to you, but I already have one in.”

Jacob’s face visibly drops, the hand on his knee tightening into an iron grip. Sangyeon can see Jacob mull over this fact, his jaw clenching and unclenching, as his brain conjures up what he should do next.

“Are you done with your meal?” Jacob stares at Sangyeon with such intensity that all he could do was nod, before Jacob abruptly stands up from his seat. heading towards the counter with Sangyeon’s wrist gripped tightly in his palm. Sangyeon didn’t expect to rile Jacob up so much, but Sangyeon is loving the effect he has on Jacob. As much as Jacob wanted to rush to Sangyeon’s house, Jacob was chivalrous enough to open the car door for Sangyeon before he got the engine started, speeding towards Sangyeon’s house. 

Tension creeps through every nook and cranny of Jacob’s car, crawling around them as Jacob’s hand moves higher and higher up his thigh, light strokes here and there. Sangyeon whimpers quietly as he squirms in his seat, the streetlights illuminating Jacob’s stoic face, his eyes trained on the road in front of him. By the time they arrive at his apartment, he sports a hard-on that strains against his jeans like pushing a door that says pull.

It wasn’t long before the apartment door flew open and shut, the two of them stripping their way towards the bed, hands unable to get enough of each other’s bodies, leaving no skin untouched. Jacob bites at Sangyeon's neck, eliciting a groan before Jacob pushes him back on the bed, looking Sangyeon up and down like a predator eyeing it’s next meal.

“I’m going to  _ ruin  _ you.”

Sangyeon groans at Jacob’s words, realising that Jacob is now flipping him onto his knees as he presses Sangyeon’s back down, until his chest is pressed against the cool cotton sheets. The air is knocked out of Jacob’s lungs at the sight of the pink tail that falls between Sangyeon’s legs, twitching at Jacob’s touch.

But there was no time to waste - Jacob had been patient enough, waiting for this moment ever since the start of their date after Sangyeon appeared dressed in a navy blouse that cut a little too deep and a pair of balck dress pants that hugged his thighs just right.

Jacob tugs slowly at the butt plug, a low whine filling the room as Sangyeon chases it, wanting to feel full again.

“It’s okay baby just give me a sec.”

Sangyeon can hear the butt plug hitting the bed before the mattress dips around his knees, Jacob repositioning himself behind Sangyeon. The press of Jacob’s length causes Sangyeon to drool, his mouth opening in a silent moan as Jacob fills him up in the best way possible. 

Eric wakes up from his slumber, realising that it was 1am in the morning when he hears a slight shuffling outside his door before his dad’s bedroom door shut with a click. He wanted to know all about Sangyeon’s date, jumping off his bed and out the door towards his father’s room. He stops short, seeing a trail of clothes heading towards his father’s room. Sangyeon is usually a very neat person, and Eric takes after him, so it is quite unusual for Sangyeon to be discarding his clothes everywhere around the house. But then Eric sees something that sparks peculiarity in his brain. 

_ Two? Pairs of pants? _

How is that possible? How could his dad be wearing two pairs of pants at the same time? What is going on? It isn’t even cold enough to be wearing two pairs of pants out in the spring breeze.

Before he could even think about what this could mean, he barges towards his dad’s room, a decision that he would later regret.

Just as Jacob bottoms out with a deep exhale, the door is rammed open, Eric screaming his lungs out at the sight before him. Jacob recoils from Sangyeon too fast, a bolt of pain travels through his penis before his back is pressed against the mattress, cursing continuously, his eyes squeezed tightly as he clutches onto his dick like a lifeline. As the chaos unravels before Sangyeon, Eric’s scream abruptly stops, his body falling to the ground with a thump.

_ So life can get worse. _

Sangyeon is on his feet in a flash, running towards Eric and laying him on the couch before coming back to Jacob making awkward hand gestures, unsure of how he could help. With all the energy he has left in his body, he yanks Sangyeon close, the grip on his forearm so tight, he feels like the bones underneath are shattering in slow motion.

“Put some clothes on both of us and call a fucking ambulance, not just for me, but for your damn son who, you didn’t tell me, was at home.”

Sangyeon quickly picks up his phone, dialling the ambulance, trying to treat two very important people at the same time. While waiting for them to come, Sangyeon sits besides Jacob, scouring the internet for answers on how to unfracture a penis. He scours the web, from Reddit to Wikihow, even on Yahoo! Answers, just to figure out how someone can possible fracture their own dick. 

"Sangyeon, searching how to unfracture a penis will not help me, stop that."

And so Sangyeon sighs, his search history now looking something like this:

 _Saturday 1:13am_ | WikiHow: How To Unfracture a Penis

 _Saturday 1:15am_ | WikiHow: How To Tell If Your Penis Is Fractured

 _Saturday 1:16am_ | WebMd: Is My Penis Fractured?

 _Saturday 1:20am_ | WebMd: Symptoms of a fractured penis

 _Saturday 1:22am_ | Yahoo! Answers: peepee fracture how get?

 _Saturday 1:23am_ | Reddit: How to fix broken peen

And now, Sangyeon finally believes that, yes, his life is not boring at all.

⚾

Sangyeon sits by the side of the bed, Eric's hand held tightly next to him as the younger rests peacefully upon the bed. A rustle is heard and Sangyeon jolts from his half alert state. 

After what had happened, Sangyeon worried endlessly about how he would explain to Eric that he had literally broken the guy from the grocery store's dick or more importantly, his dad literally getting dicked down before his eyes. 

And really, there was no explanation for it, Eric saw what he saw, because yes, it actually happened.

“Where am I?..” All Eric sees is Sangyeon’s head, the white lights of the plain room illuminating around his father’s head as he peers down at him, concern dripping from the creases in between his brows. 

“Hey little one. You’re in the hospital. You just passed out because of a dream that you had and I was worried so I took you here.”

Eric begins to remember what that ‘dream’ was as he gapes at Sangyeon, unable to tell between reality and illusion - it was all a blur to him in his current state of consciousness.

“So you’re telling me  _ I  _ was dreaming of  _ you…  _ doing it?.. Like  _ doing it.”  _ Sangyeon hesitates before nodding silently. He was practically speechless, he had no words to say, there was no way Eric was going to believe the generic scenario of how everything was just a damn dream.

“Well if you say so. Damn, I really need to spend time away from your dating life. It’s getting very disturbing.”

What Eric didn’t know was that Jacob was sitting on the other side of the curtain that parted him from the rest of the room. He was listening intently to the conversation, rolling his eyes at the lame excuse Sangyeon pulled out of his ass and also surprised at the fact that Eric actually believed that excuse. 

But. 

_ Yes, there is a but. _

Jacob had finally had enough of Sangyeon lying to his son and decided to take the matter into his own hands. He pulls back the curtain, revealing himself to the duo in front of him, a deadpan expression carved into his features. Eric startles at the sudden sound, turning his head to see who it was that appeared on the other side. And when he brain was able to realise it was Jacob, he looked at the state the older man was in, only to realise  _ why _ he was at the hospital to begin with.

"Oh hey Jaco- wait why do you have a cast around your wai- WAIT, IT WASN'T A DREAM?"

Sangyeon panics, his eyes shooting daggers at Jacob, but all he sends back is a smile with a menacing intent. And that smile shattered every dagger Sangyeon sent his way, his weakness shining through at the worst times.

"Eric please calm down you'll pass out ag-"

"Yes Eric, you saw everything and it was all real, why do you think I have a peen cas-"

"Jacob, Shut it."

“Okay fine, but Eric - yes, your dad is a dick breaker, and I would sue him, but I actually really like him so..”

Eric visibly pales, inhaling deeply before sending a shriek that vibrates off the walls of the hospital room and Sangyeon’s head is back in his hands. Eric's screech begins to dim, before cutting off as he passes out onto the white sheets of the hospital bed for the second time in the last 7 hours.

“He had to know sooner or later, he’s in his teens.”

“Jacob, he just passed out  _ again. _ ”

“Okay well you broke my dick, why are we speaking facts right now.”

“I was going to ease him int-”

Jacob’s laugh cuts Sangyeon’s words off. He stares back at Sangyeon with utter exasperation.

“What were you gonna say? ‘Hey son, I just fractured someone’s penis and it probably won't be fully healed for a few weeks, but as Confucius says, life goes on.’, Sangie, he’s a kid.”

“Okay, but Confucius didn’t say that.”

“Okay, but Confucius didn’t break someone’s dick.”

A deep sigh leaves Sangyeon’s lips as he looks up at Jacob. There he was, a shit-eating grin plastered on Jacob's face, knowing full well that he could use his broken dick to get his way with Sangyeon.

He smiles weakly, already enamoured by the man before him. 

Too busy looking at Jacob, Sangyeon realises that Eric is still very much passed out and jolts out of his seat as he scrambles for the door.

“Nurse, my son passed out again, please help.”

⚾

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, thank you for reaching the end, can't believe you're here, I welcome you with open arms.
> 
> Cheers to my friends for helping me conjure up this whole fic, literally couldn't have done it without you.
> 
> Let me know what you think, my humor may not be for all but hey, I tried and that is enough. Thank you and goodnight. *drops mic*


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